When Adult Children Cut Ties: A Christian Counselor’s Response to Family Estrangement

Estrangement from parents is rising, even within the Church. How should Christians respond with grace, truth, and hope when families fracture?

Did you know that one in four adults experiences estrangement from a family member?

Estrangement occurs when one party abruptly ends a relationship or goes “no contact” with another party. While it is difficult to conclusively prove whether estrangement on the whole is on the rise, it appears that one type of estrangement, which occurs between adult children and their parents, has significantly increased in recent years.

Although there are extreme cases where significant boundaries may be warranted for safety, that is not the case in the majority of these situations. Reasons cited for parental cut-off include disliking parental communication styles, political or religious differences, or resentment for past parental failures. Popular media and contemporary psychology may even normalize and condone parental estrangement. 

This is an issue that should concern and captivate us as Christians.

What is most troubling is that this issue is not “out there” but within the walls of our churches. The Bible is very clear about loving others and quite specific about God's expectation for believers to honor their parents. Honoring parents may certainly look different in various situations, but God is aware of all the nuances. His grace is sufficient and His Holy Spirit is capable to guide us forward - even when honoring parents may mean loving our enemies (another command of Jesus). How do we follow Jesus’ example of perfectly balancing honor and honesty (read John 13:1-17 for one instance)? We do so - as we must do all other things - by abiding in Him until the glorious day of His return. 

If estrangement feels like the only option this Christmas season, or if you are attempting to reconcile, consider these tips:

1. Express needs and expectations clearly in advance

2. Ask how you can better honor your parents

3. Walk in day-by-day, moment-by-moment forgiveness with the help of the Holy Spirit

4. Take prayer breaks to cool heated emotions

5. Pray to honor the Lord and one another in your words and actions

These may be some of the hardest steps you’ll have to take in life, but the benefits of preserving relationships are well worth it. As we abide in Him, we grow and mature in our relationships with Him and with others, at the same time learning to be more courageous and compassionate simultaneously.

Stephanie holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling and works at In Him's Halifax office, in partnership with Cornerstone Counseling Ministry. Stephanie provides marriage, couple, and individual counseling and works with adults, teenagers, and children.



Stephanie enjoys music, good coffee, playing with her children, hosting friends, spending time alone with God, traveling/exploring, reading, writing, and inspiring people to pursue a deeper intimacy with Jesus!

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